There are many tutorials and guides online on how to beat a specific video game and find all its hidden secrets to achieve 100% completion. However, none of them explain how to complete a video game in record time (and if you’re like me, you barely have time to update your apps, let alone enjoy the game). So here are some steps to beat a video game in the blink of an eye, allowing you to finish as many as possible because time is money (even if you don’t enjoy it, but such is adult life).

Preliminaries

First of all, you need to own a console, computer, smartphone, or something similar. Make sure all the cables are properly connected and press the power button. If smoke starts coming out of the console, something is wrong (in that case, abort the mission and throw the console away; it’s quicker to buy a new one than to fix it ¬¬!).

On the other hand, you need to have a video game. If you’ve bought it and it’s still wrapped, try to waste as little time as possible unwrapping it; you have until the console accesses the main menu (approximately 5 seconds, or about 5 minutes if it’s a PC). If the darn plastic resists, use your teeth, keys, scissors, or anything you have on hand that can cut through one of the most hated inventions by humankind, the so-called “easy-open” packaging.

Now, insert the DVD, cartridge, or other media into the console (make sure not to insert it upside down and that there isn’t another one already inside). Once you do, you can start playing (in the case of the latest console generations, you’ll have to download some mandatory patches, which will make you despair as you stare at a progress bar for an hour).

Introduction, Story, and Tutorial

Once the game is in and the introduction starts loading, begin pressing buttons on the controller to skip it as quickly as possible. We’re not interested in who created the game or watching a spectacular video about the plot. Some games force you to watch it the first time, so take this opportunity to quickly skim the game manual to learn the basic controls and completely ignore the tutorial.

You’re now in the game menu. Don’t even look at the options, don’t navigate through the menu, or check out any extras; your goal is to beat the game as fast as possible. Select “new game,” name your character “aaa,” and keep hitting “next, next, next….”

If you have to choose a character, pick the first one on the list, the first screen that appears, and leave all options as default. If you can customize the character, it doesn’t matter; leave everything as default because we can’t waste our precious time on such superfluous and trivial things.

Now, if there are no more videos to skip (it often happens that you have to watch all the videos the first time you play), you’ll probably have the tutorial as your first step. In this case:

a) Skip it if you had to watch the videos and therefore learned how to play during those dead times by skimming the manual.

b) Skip it if you could skip the videos, as you don’t have time to learn to play. That’s done within the game itself through trial and error.

c) If you can’t skip it, go through it as quickly as possible and skim all the text, only paying attention to the words in bold or different colors; the rest is garbage.

Although it’s worth noting that tutorials for dummies are common nowadays and are completely unnecessary. At this point, the worst is over, and you can start really enjoying the video game.

Playing

To complete the game in the fewest hours possible, keep these premises in mind:

• Don’t stop to explore the environments; just run to the next marked point in the story and ignore what surrounds you.
• Don’t stop to talk to characters unless it’s strictly necessary for the story. If it is, keep hitting “next” without stopping, skimming the text as fast as possible. It doesn’t matter what they say, even if it’s vital to understanding what to do next, because sometimes they slow down the dialogue and don’t give you the option to skip it. Only pay attention to words in bold or different colors, as well as the point marked on the map.
• Skip any cutscenes about the game’s story (if you can’t, since you’ve already skimmed the game’s manual enough, curse the developers for not letting you skip the videos, haha). You can also take the time to look up a guide online to know what to do next.
• Coins, special items, rings, and other collectibles are useless and only waste valuable time advancing the story. Only collect what’s absolutely necessary to progress in the story.
• If you find a bug or glitch that makes it easier to advance, exploit it to the fullest.
• If you’re stuck for more than 3 minutes, refer to any guide you’ve prepared (this should have been done during the unskippable videos or mandatory conversations).
• Use cheat codes, tricks, and any similar tactics to advance as fast as possible (max out everything, IDDQD, make your character move 10 times faster, skip levels, and go straight to the last one…).

The Final Video and Credits

You’ve finished the story. You might not have understood much, but you’ve completed the game like a champ. Now it’s time to watch the credits for an interminable 15 minutes, and possibly new game modes and difficulties will unlock. At this point, you have two options: if the game was bad, store it in your display case and never play it again—it’ll look good as part of your collection; if you liked the game, store it in your display case and never play it again due to lack of time.

If the game was bad, you can use the credits to prepare the next game you’re going to beat, so it’s back to the “Preliminaries” section… or consider going to sleep because you have to work the next day.